We have a story to share with you (at the bottom) But have to share my heart and a frustration as a parent first-and please don't judge us for playing games mentally with our almost "4 year old!" Just sharing a little creativity that sparked last night out of daddy's mind-and actually hoping that this "made up story" will click, & WORK with our little P! Hopefully this story will help other parents struggling with a pre-schooler refusing to "poop in the toilet!"
We began potty training P over a year and 1/2 ago. He took about 4 months to actually get it-go accident free etc. But we kept pressing on! However, we have yet to be "trained" and confident to "get the shooey in the toilet"-for about a year he would go at night in his diaper (around the age of 2 and 1/2), then we moved to pull-ups and he would purposely wait till evening to go. We started telling him big boys go in the toilet, started making charts, giving rewards when we he would go #2 in the toilet! He purposely did not care about the negative or the positive...and started holding it in for some weeks up to 5 or 6 days. His Pediatrician had us start him on Miralax and told us to keep a watch of his diet, pick our battles and don't stress over it (He is 3 not 4). She also informed us that It is VERY common for boys to take longer with potty training, then girls. Some boys are 4 or 5 before they get it! I really started to think -with our strong willed, cute little red-head, that he will be graduating in a diaper!!!)
After the arrival of Kaden (our 2nd son), my instant prayer was "Lord, please don't let this one battle with pooping in the toilet too!!!" How awful of an instant prayer? Right? But that was my mind in the early days with our newborn and P being 28month old. (We purposely did not even potty train P till after Kaden arrived. K was about 4 months old before we introduced potty training to P. I finally was getting some sleep and had a bit more time to commit to train P).
Well, fast forward 18 months of beginning the whole potty training world to P and we have successfully been going potty and yet one big problem...He absolutely WILL NOT go #2 (or Shooey, or poopy) in the toilet! He doesn't care if it is underwear, no underwear, a pull-up, just being in the backyard etc...as long as it is NOT sitting on the toilet he will go! (He also believes that we don't have to go every day). He thinks he has done it a few times and he doesn't need to do it again. We messed up BIG TIME on this explanation! So, now we are working with his mind and trying to brainwash him with some facts that we are hoping will stick. We are desperate for some help! If we get to his 4 year check up and he is still refusing to go, then the Pediatrician will take the next step (and I am sure refer him to a Child Psychologist!!??!) Really frustrating! So, what have we done over the summer with him? We have done the positive and negative! If you go then this?!!! Because you did not come tell us then this?! (He doesn't care!!!!) Neither approach has worked! We have bought $20.00 sticker books, offered to buy him games on the IPAD, nothing matters. An outright constant fear to go. Neither approach is working.
We try a method for 2 weeks..and no change! We switch the method and see no change. The day he did go for Joy, he actually came up to me-and said his tummy hurt (cause it had been 6 days) and he had pooped last week in the back yard and got in trouble....So, he came to me and said he had to go! He plain has not cared, this summer about it.
Maturity?!! Apparently so! I am really starting to think he will be 5 before he gets this step to potty training. I really think, we could put him in a room for 3 weeks with nothing, and as long as he could stay in there and not have to poop in the toilet he would be happy!
We have told him that if he goes #2 in the toilet he can go see Woody again (at Disney World)! His response, "No, I don't want to go see Woody!" I don't want to poop!" I already went poop for Aunt Joy!" Complete shock!!! (We are offering him a trip to Disney and he won't budge).
Back in May, he sat for 20 minutes on the toilet and Joy faithfully coached him and talked about how easy it is and got him to do it. ("In his mind-he should never have to do it again!") I have stressed to my friends..."We clearly have the most strong willed child to potty train!" They all want to cure it and have even offered their home and play dates with their kids as incentives! It doesn't matter to him.
I have thrown my hands up and given up! But I can't give up. I am his mom and it is our job to parent and be models. So, I am not discussing it and leaving the responsibility in his hands. But then if I do, it is sometimes 5 days before he goes, and I see a change in his behavior for NOT being regular.
He watches his friends go and when it is time for him to try, he runs or avoids the discussion. Being an educator, I know it is SO important to build a child up and praise them for who they are and all they have accomplished. We have had SO many talks with him about the fact that he is never afraid to go tee-tee in the potty. And he says, but I am afraid to "poop"! Well, we need to ask Jesus to help you not be afraid! We pray and talk about Jesus being bigger then ALL our problems. And this is something we need to do EVERYDAY, just like we eat everyday, our food has to come out of our body! (You get it??! Right? Or do I need to educate ALL of you too?)
Well, yesterday, he deliberately went in his pants and tried to hide it from me! I was so sad, that he did not come and tell me that he had to go. So, he had to sit in his room after we cleaned up and he read books. Daddy got home later and we told him what happened. Here is the creative Shooey Monster Story that sparked last night! (Praying it works)
All of a sudden, Daddy said, "Parker if you do it again in your pants-it is going to have to sit in your room and it will turn into a(Poop) Shooey Monster!" The only way it doesn't turn into a monster is if you push it out in the toilet water!" That's the only thing that won't let it come alive. You can't push it out in other water! You have to sit on the toilet and make it go down the drain. It can't come alive!"
P's response, "No I don't want it to get me!"
(Our response....OK then push it away in the toilet!")
Holding on for dear life that this story will stick with him!
....I am sure he will be curious now and actually wait to see if it really happens. I hope the "fear" makes him be a big boy and sit on the toilet!
Prayers appreciated and advice if you have experience with a boy (specifically) who may have battled this!! Thanks so much.